My sister’s best friend (who is like a sister to me) will be caring for my daughter while I’m away at college (NO I’m NOT "dumping the kid off with relatives"… she ASKED me if she could care for her, and my college does not allow children in the dorms, which all first year students are required to live in.) So I drew up this list of "rules" about my daughter (really just how we run our household as it stands… kind of like the little notebook the people on Wife Swap get when they first arrive.) Copy pasted from the actual e-mail, this is how it reads:
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1. Only one special treat a day (this includes all junk food and drinks). Only if she’s hungry, only if she asks for it specifically, and only if she’s already eaten a fruit and vegetable that day. NO white bread, NO foods or drinks (except her "special treat, as outlined above) that contain high-fructose corn syrup, and NO margarine.
2. Only one half-hour program per day of television, one full-length movie per week max. (preferably most of this educational and/or Muzzy. NO Spanish or inappropriate content, and try to find as many European and/or French-speaking children’s shows as possible. Also, her favourite shows are Big, Big World and Bindi the Jungle Girl, so if you could try to find others like it, of an environmental nature.)
3. No meat or dairy whatsoever, except 1 serving organic dairy per day if she’s congested (as a homeopathic remedy).
4. Animals are treated as equal family members, not "the family…and the dog." For example, if the dog barks, instead of, "Shut up you stupid dog.", it should be a two-language conversation. "Oh, look, the doggy’s saying hi." or "Kettles, who’s out there?"
5. Appreciating and learning about nature is ENCOURAGED at EVERY opportunity. Birds and trees and fish still "speak", we just don’t understand their language. This is to be respected. Take her for a nature walk every morning. This also includes heavily fostering reduce/reuse/recycle habits.
6. I’ve never personally seen you do this, and I don’t believe you would, but just as an inclusion…. if she starts to stutter…dell tells her, and allows other people to tell her, "Come on, spit it out."…but that does not allow her brain to fit the puzzle pieces together properly. Allow her as many tries as she needs, without interruption, to complete a sentence. If she starts to get distracted because she’s discouraged, repeat back to what she had so far. Encourage other people to do the same.
7. Another thing I’ve never personally seen you do, and don’t believe you ever would, but just as an inclusion… many many *many* people squelch a childs "inside memory". This includes "Mommy, I decided the sky is purple."…"No Tommy, it’s blue." at the most basic level, but…remember this. Faerie tales don’t tell children that dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Faerie tales tell children that dragons can be killed. So, if she says something about faeries or dragons or some other "imaginary" thing…let her keep it. Don’t take the "real" out of it for her. Please?
8. No forced naps or naptime! Resting in bed by 9pm, but if not tired, allow a book by lamplight until sleepy. If sleepy before 9pm, of course, allow bedtime earlier.
9. No forced meal times or amounts. Give her fruits and vegetables first. She will eat whenever she is hungry, and if that means she’s not hungry when meals are made, she may sit at the table or be excused, but does not have to eat. Do not ask her if she is hungry, do not tell her when to eat or that her "plate is made", and do not offer food to her……wait until she asks you for food (even if it seems like she’s gone "too long" without eating. She knows when her tummy is or isn’t hungry). And NO food in front of the tv!
10. Home-Schooled (Unschooled), Waldorf, or Montessori ONLY. NO traditional public school.
11. No artificial fabrics. Cotton/Wool/Denim/Hemp/etc only.
12. Allow her to pick which clothes she wears for the day. A fun thing we do is, each day of the week corresponds with a few colours, and she picks clothes based on that. I can give you the chart if you want to use it with her.
13. Read at least one book *with* her and *tell* her at least one new story per day. Books are VERY important, and so too is the art of storytelling. I’d love for her to learn to love both.
14. She does not know the definition of truth vs lie. Please don’t introduce her to those words (they turn into angry concepts). For instance, instead of, "are you telling me the truth or are you lying?" it’s, "Is that a real story or a fake story?" (but only if you suspect a lie. Tr
Trust her!)
15. NO character, trademark, Copyright, Registered, etc possessions. Tinkerbell is faerie. Mickey is mouse-mouse. Elmo is monster. (So she does not associate name with brand and say, "I want that" just because she sees her ‘friend’.) NO Dora, Spongebob, etc.
16. No electronic "blinking-beeping-walking-talking-batter… sort of toys. She can play with jacks, yo-yo’s, marbles, pick-up-stix, twister, cards, hula hoops, jump ropes, lincoln logs, dolls, bike, skates, puzzles, etc etc etc….just nothing electronic or battery operated.
17. At least one hour per day outdoor physical activity.
18. Tell her, "that was good." or "that was bad." NOT "good girl" or "bad girl". There’s no such thing as a good girl or bad girl, only doing good things or doing bad things.
19. Allow her to write/draw with whichever hand is more comfortable, but heavily encourage writing with the other hand as well. (For practical reasons, as well as "opening up" that centre of the brain for active use)
20. Any and all bath, soap, hygiene, and cleaning products used on or for her (shampoo, conditioner, clothes soap, etc.) can NOT contain sulfates, phosphates, pthalates, parabens, and/or aluminum.
21. Her hair is to be combed, NOT brushed…and without product of any kind (except water in a spray bottle). Her hair is never to be cut unless something happens to it which renders a haircut necessary, and I am notified/consulted with prior.
22. She is a Princess, and is to be reminded of such daily. This does not mean "letting her get away with whatever". It means building her self-esteem. (i.e. "…and you are a Princess, so you know what is best in your heart." and, "I will always teach you if you need me to, because Princesses love to learn.")
23. One thing we do, when she washes her hands, is that she puts the water in her hair and tells herself "I’m so pretty" in the mirror. Please continue this. It fosters positive self-image.
24. If you decide not to attend a church regularly, do NOT discuss a Christian and/or denominational ‘God’ with or around her. If you do decide to attend a church regularly, do NOT allow her to believe she will be punished in some way if she chooses to believe differently. She should not be taught "right" from "wrong" apart from the Universal rights and wrongs that most religions accept. You are entitled to your beliefs, whichever that may be, but I’d like for her to make her own coherent un-influenced decision. Also, I understand that you may not hold my same beliefs in religion and you may not agree with what I do, and that is just fine. But please understand that my beliefs are what they are, and I really don’t want or need her seeing Momma as "wicked"…so keep her away from any and all, as much as possible, things that portray witches as evil green-nosed hags with bubbly brew and broomsticks. You know that image is not true…because you know me. C=. If it happens accidentally,
please explain to her that it’s just a story, not real.
25. Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, and Easter Bunny are not real. She knows this. Please keep it that way.
26. Sometimes she forgets to brush her front teeth. The way we remember this is to tell her, "brush your smile."
27. Keep her shoes off at all safe and temperate times.
28. I know you may have no interest in learning the entire language, but if you pick up on things from her Muzzy tapes, and she says something to you in French, please respond back to her to the best of your knowledge in French. (For example… If she says, "S’il tu plait" for "Please", you say "D’Accord" for "Ok". Or if she says "Merci" for "Thank You", you say, "De Rien" for "You’re Welcome".)
29. She is to be expected to follow Princess manners at all times. This does not mean stuck up or whiny, but rather, composed. If she cries, no "Aww" unless it’s a tummy-ache or something of the sort, and no "Stop crying, it’s not that bad." Instead, tell her,
"Take a deep breath, calm down, and say it to me in gentle words." If she gets grabby or selfish about something, she is told, "Uh Oh. Please act like a Princess. You know what to do." (and be aware that if you take something from her or someone else without asking, she may tell you, "That is not Princess. You know what to do." =P) If she gets mouthy, screams, throws, hits, or kicks, she is given one "Princess" warning per incident (as stated above), and if she does not correct her behaviour, she is placed on restriction, not time-out, for the remainder of the day. No privileges until the next morning. If she does not want to do something, we say, "that’s alright, you don’t have to want to do it, you just have to do it." If she does not know a person as family or close friend, she is not allowed to hug them or allow them to pick her up. This teaches her to respect her own personal space and expect it to be respected. If someone approaches her (not a stranger of course, lol) who is not
close family or close friend, she is to offer her hand. As a safety precaution, whenever she’s in a car with someone and gets out before the driver, make sure she knows every time to leave her door open until the driver gets out. If you hear her making a "You are…." statement, remind her that it’s most appropriate to say, "I think…." instead.
30. If she is sick, anything mild enough that does not require a trip to the Emergency Room is to be treated naturally. A daily kids multivitamin, tea, and naps. If medicine is required, please either look up the natural version and dosage, or call me and I will find out for you. NO processed medicines.
31. Do…NOT…*ever*…allow her to talk "gangster" or "ghetto". If you catch her speaking this way, have her repeat it back to you or whoever it was directed to cleanly and clearly.
32. If you are ever angry at her or around her, no yelling, screaming, or shouting! If you are angry at her, speak in gentle words, explaining more than
reprimanding. If you must get loud when angry, please keep it behind closed doors.
33. If her teeth require further care than cleanings and/or checkups, NO silver or amalgam! White caps and ceramic or ionomer fillings only.
34.I am to be notified of and able to participate in any and all medical decisions.
35. When the time comes for her to be returned to me, there is NOT to be any sort of struggle/hassle involved. Beginning either when I marry or when I am in the proper position to care for a child, she will return to me for a few interspersed months out of the year, for two or three years, and then periodically be asked where she would like to live until she chooses with me (if this means immediately, so be it. If this means never, so be it. But it is to be HER un-influenced decision.)
Again, this is how I would raise her myself if she were living with me. I cannot tell you what or how to run your household, but please try to accommodate most if not all of these.
I will also print this if you’d like, so a copy is always available. C= If any of this sounds pompous, it’s not intended to be…just realise she is my Princess, perfect in every way, and I want to make sure she stays that way. I know you’re not my mom in any way, but it’s hard to let go. Also, I am more grateful than you will ever know that you chose to care for her. It means the world to me. I know this is a lot, and I know you know half of these already, but I like to be comprehensive, so if it’s something you already know, just consider it an indication that we’re on the same page. Love You!!!!!! SO much!!!!!!
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As a parent, what is your opinion of these rules (ASIDE from the fact of "Omg that was soooo long."?
Really, "Hope", I make you sick? How about the bastard that raped me. Does he make you sick too? Tell me again how being sexually attacked equals choosing to get pregnant, cos I must have missed that part….