Why do I hate everyone around me?
I’m a loner, have been the entire twenty some odd years of my life. I didn’t go to prom and have never had a girlfriend. People seem to pity you for being alone, but it doesn’t bother me. I’m not a creep and I don’t need validation from others.
It seems lately that I just hate everyone around me.
My dad is very angry and he has been angry his entire life. He is short (5′6), so I think he suffers from little man complex. He is a good guy at his core, but he drinks and cheated on my mom (and ended up leaving us for her). I guess hate is too strong of a word. I dislike him a lot of the time. He recently lost his wife and that just pushed his anger to a new level. It’s like a constant thing with him and it makes me uncomfortable to be around him. It kind of makes me think I’m a bad son because I’m thinking about myself and not about his pain/loss but I’ve dealt pain/loss without making the people around me uncomfortable.
My best friend’s girlfriend I cannot stand AT ALL. She is pretty dumb and arrogant. On top of that she is annoying. She has a voice that is like nails to a chalkboard. She has said stuff to me that has really pissed me off . "You’re so pale, you should get some sun". "You should get an asian girlfriend". "You’re so short" (I’m 7 inches taller than her btw). I could be an ahole and say "Wearing two pounds of makeup doesn’t cover up your awful complexion" or "Fake tanning doesn’t make you any more appealing, you’ll just look older in about 10 years" or "You’re annoying, please STFU." The reason I don’t say anything is because I like seeing my best friend who I’ve known for most of my life. It seems like the only way to see him is if she is there.
She also has this little rat dog that always barks at me whenever I go over to their house. It must have seen my face hundreds of times and it still very unfriendly towards me. If I get in it’s general direction, it runs away and/or barks at me. I wouldn’t care so much except that it a running joke with my friends girlfriend. She is always saying to people how much her dog hates me. It’s not my problem she doesn’t know how to teach it some obedience.
I love dogs, I had one growing up and when she died I was very depressed. "You should get a dog" she told me once. I live in an apartment, which IMO is no place for a dog. I also don’t have time for one at the moment since I have other things going on in my life. She seems to know what I need out of life.
My roommate recently left for a couple months for his job. This is a guy I’ve been friends with a long time but it seems like he doesn’t respect me. He acts above me, and he always has our entire lives. I think because I’ve had limited success with women and he has a natural gift for getting them, it makes him think he is better than me. He is an out of shape alcoholic with a mediocre job (and I am a student without one).
He left his girlfriend his key and didn’t even consult or ask me if it was okay. She comes over a couple nights a week and sleeps in his bed. She lives like 5 minutes away in her own apartment. I don’t understand why she comes over. I mean she gets stuff mailed to our apartment, and he gave her the key to the lock box, but I can bring in the mail. He thinks I’m some sort of idiot who can’t do simple things like get the friggin mail. It’s a bit more complicated than that but it isn’t really important, he thinks I’m an idiot.
When she comes over, she comes over and leaves lights on, turns on the heat, uses the washer/dryer. I am floating all the utilities until he gets back where before we split them.
I am looking for work because I am going back to school and I am not getting financial aid for about a month so money is tight. There is a reason I am living a minimalist lifestyle (I’M POOR ATM!!!). He was suppose to get the cable downgraded (I don’t watch TV much, I’d like to only pay for internet) but didn’t before he left. We are getting raped on our water bill, I asked him to call the water company and have someone come out and check the meter, he said he would but hasn’t. I told him I would call but it is in his name and he acts as though he needs to do everything.
I’ve also been thrown in the middle between my roommate and his girlfriend before. She called me because he wouldn’t answer his phone. I was up in my room and walked downstairs to find him hanging out with his ex girlfriend. I lied and said I didn’t know where he was and then he later told me he slept with his ex. They broke up and got back together, but she never found out about his cheating.
I don’t like holding onto all this anger. I have a lot of anger towards myself as well. I seem to lose focus easily. It’s the reason I am 26 years old and only now going back to college. I am introverted with little self confidence, it’s the reason why I haven’t had a girlfriend. I let people walk all over me. What to do?
